did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's shark week go big or go home
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
