omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
