I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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