I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
