I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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