Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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