I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
