tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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