if you like me you must not know who I am
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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