I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
