dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
