he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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