Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Where is the hickey?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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