You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
