Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
