i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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