A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
