Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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