Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
