Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
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