He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
