you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
