just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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