apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My pussy is not your playground.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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