I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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