the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
