I want to stick my p in your. b.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
