Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
