Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
