yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
