She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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