call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
