Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
