someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Jerry, you need to find god
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
