This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
