Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
