When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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