Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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