Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
