definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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