thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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