So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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