these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
