I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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