Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
