if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
