I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
