I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
