Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
