do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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