i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
