i think i have two assholes
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
