I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
